Mie from Japan writes:

My date of birth is 12/29/1980

I don't feel that I am good at communicating with others. I really suffer and feel inadequate in social situations. I especially have difficulty in keeping a conversation going. I cannot find a good topic to talk about.

I often find myself feeling outside the conversation. Some people are very attentive and patient enough to talk to with me but I think others become weary, and I don't want to feel like a burden.  A lot of times I'll just leave or avoid a situation, preferring to be alone.  As a result, I feel like I am always outside the loop. Any advice?  

Dear Mie-san,

I felt exactly the same way when I was much younger—and sometimes I still do! Don't worry about being shy. Your 29 day of birth adds up to the Master Number 11/2, which is called the Inspirer. The number 2 is often shy at first, because you need a little more time than others to listen before you risk saying something on your own.

The key to becoming more comfortable is to prepare yourself with three things. First, choose a simple opening line when meeting someone you don't already know. “Hi, my name is Mie. What is your name?”

Second, prepare a mental list of two or three questions that you can use in any situation. For example, “What brings you here (to whatever event or activity is happening) today?” or try, “I don't know many people here. What do you know about [the people in this business meeting, the people at the party, etc.]. Avoid asking questions that can be answered by a simple “yes” or “no” because you want to focus on getting the other person to start talking (without sounding too nosy.)

Third, keep up to date on celebrities, recent events, sports, news, weird but funny news stories, so you can mention a few details in conversation. You don't have to make any brilliant remarks, but you will feel more confident if you increase your general knowledge of what's going on in the world.

Wear an unusual piece of jewelry that can be a conversation-starter. Let people that know you collect fun pieces as a hobby, or ask if they have something they collect. Where do they go for the best deals? People love to share advice or info on subjects like shopping, television shows, new movies, medical remedies, phone apps, etc.

At a gathering, avoid closed body language. Look friendly and open to talking. Choose a group and look for a gap where you can stand and listen for awhile. Don't try to interrupt or saying anything until there is a pause. If you think of a question, quickly introduce yourself and just ask a friendly question or make a funny remark. If you can't think of anything just smile at the person next to you. Listen for as long as you like and prepare to move on when there is a natural break. If appropriate, volunteer to help with something like writing name tags, putting out food, etc which gives you an excuse to smile and meet people naturally. Later, if you see someone, say hi again and ask a question or make a little remark as simple, as “Are you enjoying those shrimp rolls!”

Feeling shy means that you are focusing on yourself. Remember--it's all about them, not you. All you have to do is get them talking about themselves, and they will always remember you as a wonderful, friendly person! You'll learn something and go home feeling that you really enjoyed one or two people.